Offering Feedback

One of the ways to attract great feedback is to offer effective and welcome feedback to others. But that can be a very tricky process. Unsolicited feedback can be interpreted as criticism. One way to offer feedback is to ask permission. "Would you be interested in my observations of . . .?"
If you have an official role where you are expected to give feedback, you may not need to ask permission, but you must nonetheless present the feedback in a way where there is chance it will actually be considered. If it is not an urgent matter, consider waiting to catch the person doing behavior you want to reinforce and complimenting them on it. People are like banks, you need to make more deposits than withdrawals.

Timeliness and tact have a certain amount of tension. Sometimes it is wise to wait a little to provide feedback in an emotional situation. However, the most effective feedback is timely. Thus, if you feel you should not provide immediate feedback, you may want to signal feedback is coming. "This probably is not the best time to go into depth, but I do want to talk to you about it tomorrow."

Strip out the emotion and unsubstantiated judgement. Feedback obviously has an evaluative component to it, but you can state it from the perspective of what you observed. If emotions are relevant, own them. "When I heard what you had to say, I honestly was quite upset." Compare this with "You made me angry." This statement does not allow you to accept responsibility for your own reactions, no matter how justified they may be. It is also blaming and puts the receiver on the defensive.

Try to be specific. "You've changed" or "I don't understand" are not specific. They could be good signals to the person to inquire more, but probably leaves them clueless about how to improve themselves or their communication. Sometimes feedback can be offered on the form of a question. "Do you get a chance to take time off of work?" Again, the key is stripping out judgment from both the actual words and from the tone of voice. If you get an angry response, do not respond in kind. That would defeat the purpose.

Everyone is a little different in how they best receive feedback. There is no harm in asking people what works for them. I dislike long introductions to feedback, but appreciate politeness. Because genuine feedback is rare, people may appreciate being reassured where they stand as a result of your observation. "I am giving you this feedback to help you reach your highest potential, I do not see your performance as deficient, but I suspect you can do even better."

Make positive and constructive feedback a habit. You will find that your stress will go down as will unresolved issues in your life. Some people will thank you, others will not. Some will be shocked no one ever told them about an issue before. Be gentle. You will empower others to improve and to give you timely and constructive feedback as well.

Shaun Jamison

Please feel free to give me feedback by posting!

Feedback Wanted

What I experience myself and hear from others is that we need feedback to improve. Self help books and degrees and community education courses are wonderful, but nothing replaces feedback. The best kind, of course, is feedback from insightful people with decent people skills. Alas, not everyone has great people skills, so we should accept feedback even if it is poorly delivered in the form of unwanted criticism.

Why do we want feedback? Answering a question with a question, have you ever communicated something in a straight forward and articulate fashion only to have it completely misconstrued? Have you ever had a plan that worked out quite differently than you anticipated because you missed an important factor? It is possible that the people who misunderstood you are actually competent people, regardless of how you feel about them in the middle of the miscommunication. It is also possible that the universe is not punishing you when your plans go awry. It may be that you had a blind spot, misconception or were simply missing information. If we want to be our very best, we need other people's perspectives.

How do we get feedback? Occasionally, we get lucky and someone provides us feedback. Sometimes it is built in to a coaching meeting with a manager or an annual review. Most of the time we must ask for it. Try to be as specific as possible: "I am concerned whether the timeline on my project is realistic, could you let me know what you think?" "I am working on audience engagement during my presentations. Would you observe my presentation to see what I could do better?"

On that note, I would greatly appreciate your feedback on this blog. Help me make it better! Post your comments on this Blog or email me directly at shaun@guideonyourside.com.

More to follow . . .

Shaun Jamison