Venting vs. Gossip & Ruminating

Why is it that sometimes when you talk about a person or an incident, sometimes you feel better and ready to move on to another topic and other times, it whips you up and makes you angrier?

The difference may lie in the type of "telling" you are doing. What are the clues that you may be engaging in healthy venting? "I need to get this off my chest." or "I'll tell you this once and then I'll let it go." These are good clues that the speaker just needs to talk it out a little bit and "blow off a little steam. Sometimes they'll ask you to listen to their story to give them perspective because they realize they might be too personally involved in an incident to be objective. These types of conversations will probably help in the gaining of perspective and release of pent up feelings.

Notice how with venting, the focus is on the speaker's feelings, not the other person's bad actions. What, then, is gossip? Gossip in the negative sense is a story about a person's action typically set in a negative light. It may have elements of truth to it, but it can be heavily laden with personal interpretation, unsubstantiated claims or complete lies. It is told over and over again. The speaker seeks to convince the listener as to the "truth" and often gossip can be quite harmful to the subject of the conversation. If a person is gossiping and telling stories over and over again, they are not very likely releasing feelings, but cultivating them. They will intentionally or unknowingly tell the stories to sympathetic audiences that will not challenge them or may even encourage their negative thinking. This will lead to rumination.

Rumination is a fancy word for dwelling on something. Ruminating can have a very negative effect on your outlook and your forward progress in life. It is good to critically examine your interactions with others, but that isn't enough. Think about the positive action you will take as a result of your reflection on an incident or interaction with someone that didn't go well and then follow through. You will feel better and tactful and heartfelt feedback to the person you might have gossiped about might positively change their lives.

Shaun

(c) 2005 Shaun Jamison, All Rights Reserved